New in Town
55PATRICK: You alright, man?
MAN: It appears I’m still breathing.
PATRICK: So it seems. Your car, on the other hand…
MAN: Oh, I did that on purpose.
PATRICK: You one of those mad communists from Goldeneye or something?
MAN: What mad communists? The main villain in Goldeneye was British. Not Russian or a communist.
PATRICK: That still doesn’t explain why your car is in a tree.
MAN: There are many trees, my boy. Such is to be expected on a road going right through the forest. Besides, I need to be distraction-free to finish the list.
PATRICK: The list?
MAN: That’s right.
PATRICK: What list?
MAN: I went to film school at NYU and my professor friend made me a list of all the movies a respectable critic should take in. 517 films.
PATRICK: So you’re a movie critic?
MAN: Yup! Maybe you’ve heard of me? Name’s Teodor Kirimski.
PATRICK: Sorry, I don’t read much.
TEODOR: Me neither. I have movies to float my boat instead.
PATRICK: Makes sense.
TEODOR: I’d say so.
PATRICK: You know you’re bleeding, right?
TEODOR: I believe you’re mistaken.
PATRICK: How’s that?
TEODOR: This is borscht, not blood.
PATRICK: That’s even worse.
TEODOR: Not if you live near the skunk capital of the world.
PATRICK: Hmm. I never thought Russia to be that infested.
TEODOR: You’re new here, aren’t you?
PATRICK: Yeah. I got relocated to a plant seven miles north of Samara.
TEODOR: The one with the reactor?
PATRICK: That’s it. I’m an engineer.
TEODOR: Fantastic. Here comes Chernobyl 2-point-0.
PATRICK: Not likely.
TEODOR: You’re American?
PATRICK: Canadian, actually.
TEODOR: What’s the difference?
PATRICK: Plenty! For starters…
TEODOR: Beautiful, huh?
PATRICK: I guess that was your intention.
TEODOR: No car, no distractions. The list will be complete.
PATRICK: Blowing your ride up was a bit much, though, don’t you think?
TEODOR: My God, you’ve much to learn about this country, dear boy.
PATRICK: I’ve got a decade. I’m sure I’ll get used to it.
TEODOR: That’s the spirit.
PATRICK: Whose skull is this?
TEODOR: I have borscht to prepare. Good day.
